τέλος

The weird thing is, even though it was all too sudden, I have already forgotten that sensation. I don't even remember how to feel, how to be besides the fact that I'm having a waterfall of memories not vivid, nor clear. Thank my Ancestors, at least now I am sure of one thing: I have the whole Universe in my hands, yet I can't grab a piece of it. I exist, but only right here and right now. I don't know what will happen in a couple of seconds or a couple of years. I am stuck here alone. It is all my doing. I am the one to blame in this story.

I don't believe it is a dream because is too real too much at the moment to be so. I had many dreams, nightmares, a whole lot of sleep troubles in my life. If it is the truth, what I heard about this place even before my other birthday where I will stay for my entire time (right word is too hard to find), I think all I can expect is to disappear, into oblivion. It doesn't make sense, you'll see I can't just stop being. Into the unknown stands improper to say, since I am already in one unknown, mine alone. Adjusting my eyes to this new version of the Universe, won't be easy.

I was everywhere without being the Almighty, I had sources to reach the world at a second; the sea, the rivers, "crows" and crowds. Adjusting my mind, I am not even sure I have time for this. And there is this "BUZZZZZZZ", it makes me feel something, cannot name it, but it is weird. BUZZZZZZzzz which I never liked but used to hear on flights (airplane, air balloon you name it).

I feel possessed, my body is being controlled by someone else, it is driving me crazy not to command my moves anymore. I am not even sure if I am moving, the pieces of my body, my limbs, my ribs... I can't see them, I can't even look at them, I don't know if I'm naked. I can't change the view, but I still see too much information for too short-too long time. I have given my all to avoid getting under the reign of someone, I was too stubborn, no one could've stopped me from doing what I wanted, this is not what I wanted, so somebody should've done something.

It's not Earth, but I see Earth and even the Moon is visible (It must be the Moon). It is very far, many light-years away, hard to estimate how far we are. I can name the 8 planets orbiting the Sun, I can tell the story of Hera sprouting her milk, therefore, create the Milky Way (I won't tell it here, she used to get very angry sometimes when we the unworthy-s talk behind her back), but I cannot name where I am. Which galaxy? Which planet? Which dimension?

Which hole?

I see the Chaos dominating my view, yet I have grown to be more familiar with the Cosmos. Here there is no order, what you learn in physics books does not apply here and I can guarantee you that I have studied almost all the physics books ever written. There's no particular shape, but I see faces, I hear distant voices. No, they are close and loud. Well, there are many voices so it is super hard to focus on one particular. Oh sh*t, did I just say all of this out loud? Nope, no, I don't know. If I did say it out loud, who can hear me? I know where I should be, but I made a lot of mistakes for so little good. If what I've learned is true I mustn't even..

I don't like not knowing. Oh, if one of my bedtime friends named Descartes has ever been here, he wouldn't say "Cogito ergo sum", most likely he would go with "I think therefore I am, but I am also not". We believed in you, dear friend, but don't worry! You have only partially failed us, not like I failed everyone.

Yesterday, I was a Goddess, tomorrow I will stay so. When there left no one to rule, to save, and to admire, does my existence even matter?