Dear Diary,

Who better to turn to when you're feeling down than your diary, huh?

When I'm alone and a little away from my computer, I write what I feel at the moment to the closest paper I find. I scratch my thoughts, my momentarily breakthroughs, insecurities or awesomeness and usually those papers end up in the trash if they haven't got lost somewhere in my apartment.

This morning, I was close to my computer, also to pens and papers and to a white board. Instead I chose to stay lying on the floor and I sobbed for almost an hour. I had one of my rare crisis and by the way, I'm proud of that I tried my best to have it. I walked with calm but depressing songs that moves my stomach more than my mind, (or maybe it was the carrot cake I made I don't know:) and consciously sulked. I've imagined my worst memories to trigger me bursting into a waterfall.

I've learned something today, regarding of what I witnessed yesterday. I keep what I learn to me but all I can say is I saw everything I don't want to become in the eyes of a person I wanted to see for months. I wasn't ready and I really blame masks for making us focus on the most powerful body part. I only saw the eyes, but I knew what was underneath it, every unevenness, every flaw, every perfection, every feature... I listened, but I didn't have to because I knew what I was expecting. I saw a transformation, someone I knew became someone I used to know. Or I must've feel like knowing. There were emotional curtains hiding the truth that I've never wanted to realize. I don't think anyone would like to accept the fact that you're not meant to be with someone. I think it's easier to see that you two are just on two sides of a coin and make a whole together. I don't think anyone would like to accept the fact, when you flip a coin it almost never lands on the edge.

I'll keep on writing this story on my actual diary - which is going to destroy itself like all the other diaries I create for the day.

Maybe we'll see each other again...

Eda <3