Gen.Y- Fi or Z or post-Millennials, Y though?

If it's too dark and long or familiar for you, you can fast forward the passage;)

"I am a Millennial. Generation Y. Born between the birth of AIDS and 9/11, give or take. They call us "the Global Generation." We are known for our entitlement and narcissism. Some say it's because we're the first generation where every kid gets a trophy just for showing up. Others think it's because social media allows us to post every time we fart or have a sandwich for all the world to see. But it seems that our one defining trait is a numbness to the world, an indifference to suffering.

I know I did anything I could to not feel. Sex, drugs, booze. Just take away the pain. Take away my mother and my asshole father. And the press, and all the boys I loved who wouldn't love me back. Hell, I was gang raped, and two days later I was back in class like nothing happened. I mean, that must have hurt like hell, right? Most people never get over stuff like that, and I was, like, "Let's go for Jamba juice." I would give everything I have or will ever have just to feel pain again. To hurt.

Thank God for Fiona and her herb garden. One advantage of being kind of dead is that you don't have to sweat warning labels. There was this brown liquid that I thought made my nipples tingle for a second but I think it was psychosomatic because I polished off the rest of it and didn't feel shit. I tried every eye of newt and wing of fly until I found something that made me not look like Marilyn Manson anymore.

And that's the rub of all this, isn't it? I can't feel shit. I can't feel anything. We think that pain is the worst feeling. How could anything be worst than this eternal silence inside of me? I used to not eat for days or eat crazy then stick my fingers down my throat. Now no matter how much I binge I can't fill this hole inside me.

I can't take it anymore, I think I'm going batshit. I need to do something."

- Madison Montgomery (Emma Roberts) - Coven, American Horror Story

So this was one of my favourite monologues when I was still a rebel teenager, can't argue about it's acceptance by you. Even though I'm not in the category labeled as "GenY" I felt her words, her thoughts, her roar and her cry. The emptiness, we all felt that one day or the other or better say there was a time we weren't be able feel anything.

Getting deeper in the topic : First few words about these "generations"

While there are few individuals self-identify as Gen X, Millennial, or any other name these birth year classification seems to have an important role in marketing and social approches. I mean, we all know that new technology is typically first adopted by the youngest generation and then is gradually adopted by the older generations who prefers traditional media sources (such as newspaper on PAPER!!:). So a new social media like TikTok must advertise to the youngest among us starting from pre-school kids! And yeah, still it doesn't explain why not age groups but birth years are considerate though. Well, theories say one generation who starts to act in one way tends to keeps its habits during life, adapting to the new world slower than the new ones to come. So 20 year period seemed in 1980s to be a fair among of time to name generations differently, a sample assumption: all GenY will go to college at age 18, they will the ones who'll watch the movie "XXX" more than others... Now we know that a 1994 born millennial who is in his/her early career, probably doing startups or PhD's and 1980 millennial (40 years old!) who has most likely kids don't live the same life.

- So what do we have?

After the World War II there came the baby boomers especially in the winner side of the war, as a generation being born out of joy, out of celebration. They were the ones who were going to have GenY as kids, they educated them with Post-WWII optimism under pressure of the cold war. So you say that's why they invented awesome dance moves and started a hippie-chill movement, a rush of emotions made them go wild for a while.

Then GenX , X being the undefinable object. Ahaha, I mean they were the ones who were just not-so particular. No particular wars, not new-high techs. My mom included, they are "THE" who are stuck between two extremely different poles. They manage not bad in all of course, they pay their children's education and take care of their families at the same time. Cold war and computers... Reading books and listening to radio while using Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram. They track everything, but still in five years GenY will be the world's richest generation , not them.

GenY, you understood the idea above:) "Numbness to the world, an indifference to suffering" is it because their parents try to make the best of non-visible times? Or passing through a great war has taught the newbies to profit every second of liberty and wealth? Explosion of the internet, progress in healthcare, sci-fi movies made people occupied with the idea of a better future?

26 or 40, they are literally Netflix and Chill (with a lot of birth control), discovering the world and trying to reclaim financial independence. They delay. They delay graduations, weddings, having a family, even family meetings. Still they RULE the world. Not sure if my GenZ will rock it though, ambiguous and a little creepy.

GenZ : aka average age to have a smartphone is 3 (lol dunno for sure). We're the ones who are trying to be aware of everything and take action for the greater good of the world while knowing the least. We have all the tools and toys and we play with them for sure and play with them all if we have access to. That's what makes our mind so blurry. We have seen the struggle of our parents but also learnt more lessons than them in theory so everyone wants a lot from us. While we can't even decide what we want, we want to discover and find what's best for us to be different, to make difference. From why this person should be my friend to what college should I attend to, asking a 10 year old girl...

"Some say it's because we're the first generation where every kid gets a trophy just for showing up. Others think it's because social media allows us to post every time we fart or have a sandwich for all the world to see"

Hi I'm Eda and I'm an addict, addicted to attention. Not that I ever wanted to be this way no, attention was first introduced me by family of course, at a normal dose. Then in kindergarten when I stole a book and read it alone (to all curious ones: Beauty and The Beast - Disney version) , attention was loaded at once by my teachers too. It kept going and growing until high school. I was getting used to it, I liked it , don't asked for it. And suddenly, I lost it.

That lack, that separation was hard to understand at first. I was so used to it, when I lost it I didn't even know how to refill the void. Attention, I wanted yet I was sidelined. So I also lost my self-confidence for a long while.

Then you know once more I went to being cool and classy, had chosen to stay in the shadows. Of course the loop began last summer once again, with me gaining my confidence and attracting new people. Suddenly a brutal social cut (because of some unfortunate global events you know) interrupt me having fun with my new peep 2 months ago, I felt once more lost. This time, I didn't get all moody and weepy. I kept showing myself on social media.

-Wait no- I started showing myself on daily bases on social media for seriously the first time in my life!

I'm addicted to attention, I left scrolling my scree to see funny posts, now I share mine. I wasn't sure what was my purpose, I always wanted to study some performing arts and be an actress, but this is new and still away from that dream.

I want to publish (perhaps not what I eat or when I shit), I want to post in a creative way. I have learnt and also experienced myself that not everyone wants to keep up with someone else's life but I realised, I actually LOOoOoVE being productive and writing and creating with the limited sources I have. So I found the confort in being free to share whatever I want with everyone, not caring who actually gives a shit. Some people stay still, some of my friends comment nice stuff, people I don't see for years get in touch with me and some criticise me, who cares what they say, I enjoy it! OK, honestly every interaction good or bad motivates me and moves me forward. I'm not addicted to social media, I love to show myself and get the ideas out of my head, you know it's getting heavier and I'm not even internationally legal to buy alcohol ;). What I do makes me feel a lot better when I share, because we GenZ learnt that every little thing you do with people, just opening yourself up to them included, can be an opportunity in later life! You can meet someone who shares the same opinions, who likes what you do, who promotes you and who knows what else! We see everyday fascinating biographies, hear horrendous speeches "I can't take it anymore, I think I'm going batshit. I need to do something." .

I alway loved reading when I was a kid, on the road, on my bed. My essential nerd-side comes from fantasy and sci-fi books. ( I have read all the 7 books of The Chronicles of Narnia in first grade:). Then with some real social life, I started to crave time and wanted to save some money. Oh and, sharing my room with my little sister at my best years to switch my bedtime to 4 a.m. didn't help me focus on reading. Books, no matter how much I loved them were getting expensive especially to buy them in different languages because you know, everything became online super fast. I also craved time more and more, time was too precious when I have started doing so many extracurricular things. I put a distance to printed lines, now I regret it.

"I can't take it anymore, I think I'm going batshit. I need to do something." x2

I've still accumulated a whole lot of new experiences and knowledge. I gained a vision of life that wouldn't be the same with my more time spent on reading books that's for sure, but I know I would've been the same crazy me who stays a super energetic, 1/2 optimist, nerd Eda.

What I'm going to do, I'm going to tell you stories. Stories that are eating me for many years, in my head there's a whole lot of new universe and new beings. My muses are my other favourite stories, the number one being the better me that I hold on to, then comes mythologies, superheroes, legends, stars, celebrities and a whole lotta love.

But before that, I have to warm myself up with some essays, prepare me to express better what I hide in the locked rooms of my mind.

"I can't feel shit. I can't feel anything."

I can, I can feel things I'm a human ahah but I can't identify them all the time. I feel like my EQ is lover than 70. Empathy is easy to show when you know how to act and duplicate mimics of the other. I overthink my actions to know the possible effects on others and it's not easy to do so. I want to understand people but I'm having hard time doing that with myself. I'm sure you too feel the same situation sometimes, when you cry out of nowhere or when you laugh instead of crying. But me, when I'm not by myself I shut down all the emotional circuits at once. OH yeah and keep this in mind, now at least we can search our emotions instantly online if we're too lazy/afraid to go talk to a psychologist or simply to a friend.

But you know, I have kept a diary for many years on paper until I passed it online in 2016. Then I quit for a new blog in 2018, my first one being extremely old fan-fiction stories. Then surprise , I quit the blog too . Now and only 2 years later, locked-in, I re-discover my little blog and I want to produce. Voilà the magic combination! I don't want to stop this time no screwing-up, the feeling that writing and searching the material to write gives, is an AWESOME feeling!

To begin my journey, I chose this monologue because I had written on my diary one day, instead of writing what I actually felt. Well now and then I will share, can't promise to do it regularly but until next semester begins in October I guess you can find me here.